Sunday, July 8, 2012


Future is such a scary thing to me. I don't know what to do in future.
There's an education fair in our school on Thursday. I went to almost every "stall", browse through every document, and I'm still like in lost.

I always wanted to become a makeup artist since I first watch Michelle Phan on YouTube, then I know Elle Fowler, Blair Fowler, Bubzbeauty, etc etc. Because of them, especially Michelle, they make me feel like being a makeup artist is fun. You get to work with every kind of people, your life won't be dull. All you need to have is passion.
But, in Malaysia, I don't think makeup is that important in our life. We usually reach for a makeup artist only when there's huge occasion, like wedding or big events. So, I'm worried about the job problem.
By the way, the course for full makeup course+UK certificate cost 50k. That's a huge amount to me.
And, I don't think my mum will let me to study this, I don't even dare to bring up the topic.
So, no matter how much I love makeup, I guess I should give up this ambition right...?

My mum asked me to study about IT. Yeah, I think this is good. Because I have no good result, and IT doesn't require any result, neither add math. But IT can be separated into many sub courses, and I don't know which one to choose.
In my heart, do I really want to choose IT...? I don't know..

Anyways, on Thursday, a representative from Alfa college, he's cute! lol
He spoke English once we reached there. And, in fact, I'm kinda nervous. And, he reminded me of Ms Cheong at the moment.
Because he spoke very fluently. We asked him about the courses, and I asked about the tempo of the course. When we filled up some form, he said I'm brave. I was like, why?
He said because most of the people were shy to speak to him. Well, I think I just asked the question that everyone should ask isn't?! lol
I asked him is he Chinese because his skin tone is like Chinese. Then he said he's Malay. I was like OMG. We were so surprised. Then I asked him did he study oversea, he said he study in local school.
And I'm freaking surprised again. Maybe he's amused by my expression, he asked why. I said his English is impressive.
I meant it, impressive. Because most of the Malays, when they speak English, you can still tell that they are Malays because of their accent. Even the DJs in English radio station as well.

It's July. So far, I'm very happy in 5EA1. I never think that we girls can be so harmony. We literally gossip everyday, laughing at each other.
I like the feel that, we can make fun of each other, we can call names of each other, we can say you are stupid, without anyone getting angry, we even laugh louder.
This is really out of my expectation.
But, left only 4 months to SPM, left less then 5 months then we're done in this school. Damn, I feel sad now.
What if we all go to other state to study, to pursue our dreams? What if someday I really miss this class, wanted to gather everyone together but can't because of study or work?
It's sad. If I called someone out, and they're like "can't because I have to study/work".

小的时候会一直想要长大, 想要认识新朋友, 想要看看这美好的世界.
随着时间慢慢的流逝, 却发现世界不是想象中那么梦幻, 那么美好.
渐渐地, 心痛了. 做错了事, 难过了.
越来越容易哭, 越来越容易难过.
听一首歌, 会突然有某一句歌词, 深深地打入心里.
突然觉得视线模糊了, 脸颊湿润了.
用手擦擦, 发现那是难过的眼泪.
感动的事情, 必须要从网络上感受到, 必须从电视剧集里感受到.
原本以为是很美好的世界, 现实中却与想象中背道而驰.
没有华丽的邂逅, 没有永恒的友情, 没有一样是与想象中符合的.
于是, 开始爱上小说, 因为里面有向往的友情和爱情.
把整个系列读完, 突然抽离小说, 回到了现实世界.
还是要面对一样的事情, 还是要面对难题.
考试考不好, 无从倾诉.
怕告诉别人, 却觉得你骄傲, 只因你分数比较高一点点.
原本以为是一辈子的强项科目, 却完全脱离轨道.
从金字塔的最高端, 默默地往下滑, 来到了最低端.
或许那对某些人来说是最高端, 或许某些人正默默地羡慕这个分数,
却不知, 从最顶端滑下来的那种心情.
殊不知, 那人已经哭得肠断, 哭得眼泪都快干了.
对于别人的羡慕之语, 却不知如何面对.

小时候一直向往的打扮漂亮, 长大后靠着看影片学会了.
却害怕面对人们的那讽刺、讥讽、嘲笑的目光, 从没认认真真打扮出门过, 即使是自己一个人出门.
从小, 就因为自己的身型, 备受嘲笑.
却不知, 其实是那在血液里流动的基因所害.
瘦的人, 从来就不知道胖的人的辛苦.

自己喜欢化妆, 却不敢对大众说出来.
化妆师给人的印象, 都是很漂亮, 很有气质.
自己长的这副模样, 只怕告诉别人后又会遭受异样眼光.
多少人是听我自己亲口说过, 多数, 都是看脸书状态, 照片, 部落格.
自己的内心, 有多少人知道?

小时候, 可以随随便便发脾气.
长大后, 却只能默默地躲在棉被里哭泣.
带着眼泪睡着, 已经是稀疏平常的事情了.

或许, 该擦擦眼泪, 认真的面对每一天.
勇敢的面对一切评语, 无视一切负面的打击.

It's seems like I'm getting emotional again...

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