Saturday, March 28, 2015


I'm never the kind of people who can express themselves well.

2 days ago was my Japanese friend's birthday, I prepared surprise with friends. We went out after exam to get gifts, we shopped for almost 5 hours, so exhausted. We were on our way back to school, only half an hour left to our dinner. A call ruined everything, I had no idea why the hell some no-related people want to barge in our surprise? Plan changed, thanks to my friend for the idea. Now I seriously hate some people in this programme. I couldn't vent my anger that day, not yet now too. I can still talk about what happened and still freaking angry at it.
Now we call us the Department of English students "the banana", lololol. Us the bananas hate the Chinese alright. Seriously, ugh.

Back to the topic, express. I wrote a birthday card to my friend, wrote things that I felt but I never bring myself to talk. I have such a huge obstacle to speak out from my heart! I can write and type without an problem, but when I see you in person, everything goes back in.
I actually prepared things to say to her, like just simple happy birthday and I hope you like this surprise, love you. I can't even say things like this.
Especially "love you", I can't say it easily. Of course to friends I'm referring, not the opposite sex. Girls always say love you super easily, because yes we do love each other that's why we're friends. I DO love my friends, I really do. But I just can't bring myself to say.

I always want to be a warm person, I know inside of me I'm warm. But the image that I give to people is cold. I never say warm things personally to friends. I say a lot of sarcastic things.
These Japanese friends like to say love you a lot, and my friends respond to them by saying love you too. But not me. I'll only make the heart by putting arms above my head. I just can't say it! :((((  But I wrote it in the birthday card hahaha.
I also not good at saying thank you whenever people gives me compliment. These days one of the Japanese friends said to me few times that I smell nice! I don't know what to respond, I just put up a surprise face, "really?" "hondo ni?" I never say thank you. :(((
I know this is super bad, not responding to people's compliment. But I always disagree with the compliments, I can find soooooo many reasons to disagree it. I'll think, I never go meet them right after I shower so that's no way it's my shower cream. I sweat all the time and no way I smell nice after all that sweat. Perhaps it's the car perfume?
So I never say thank you when I really should. :((((((

It's been 3 weeks and I'm still awkward with Japanese friends alone. I'm always not the type of person who can speak anything, who brings out a topic to speak. So we usually get very quiet. But my friends are active, they do speak a little Japanese and they can always come out things to speak. I don't know any Japanese words except food lol. So I always want to make sure that my friends are with me so we won't have the awkward silence throughout the day.

Ughhhhh I ALWAYS want myself to change in this. Be more active and be brave to express myself. I guess perhaps I feel pretty self-abased throughout my whole life and shy, so I never really express myself.
I tried to change, but I only feel comfortable when my friends are around. I even get to a point that Japanese friend asked am I sad? Because I said nothing and kept scrolling my phone. But perhaps because my eyes were puffy after watching last 5 episodes of Glee back-to-back and cried almost every episode hahaha.
But ugh, I NEED TO CHANGE. Be more cheerful and more chirpy I guess lolol. Stop being so emotionalllll.
But now my friends went back home for sembreak, I have no idea how to go out with Japanese friends lololol. I guess I have to wait for them to be back.

Ps we're planning a beach trip and it's so exciting!!!!!

Friday, March 20, 2015

I'm busy

Just realized how long it's been since my last update. Oops I'm too busy with school! I still remember I tried changing the song list for a few times, but due to the sucking unifi, I can't get much connection upstairs so I gave up halfway through. Hopefully by the time you read this I already change the list hahaha!

SO! It's been a crazy week and I felt it's been a month! Last week we done our last presentation for public speaking class. And I was still nervous as hell, holding the card yet can't remember everything omg. Kill me alreadyyyyyyy.


Been waiting for so long hahahahahahaha! It's crazy how I realize the only Japanese words I know are all fooooood. While waiting in line for lunch, me and a friend we both started speaking Korean hahahaha. We're complaining why no Korean university coming hahaha.
#ootd. Before the principal of Aichi University(the university that came over) left, he suddenly pointed at me and asked teachers around him whether I'm a Japanese student or not. I WAS HONOURED hahahahaha! It's so shocking for a Japanese to think I'm Japanese. I was thinking because of the shirt I was wearing? Before he left he even asked me some Malay questions, looked like he and I were friends hahaha.  Then a friend said she thought I was Japanese from back. I AM A BACK KILLER MUAHAHAHAHAHA. It was a busy day, we went to Sutera for some shopping and dinner afterwards. So I left home at around 8am, and arrived home 9pm omg.

Then on Friday we had the very last lecture of semester, and last micro-teaching. I received a good comment from lecturer and I'm very satisfied hahaha.
I know I look like a pervert here but I'm trying to show my jaw line and it did! lololol
Left is my dear dear senior who is same age with me. Right is my dear dear classmate.

Yesterday we went out and celebrate one of the Japanese's birthday.
 My 2 friends from diploma of English.

 This girl is 19 and she can't stop calling me eonnie now omg.
Yes I'm holding cake :D  It was tiramisu but without alcohol in it ugh. I can't stand tiramisu without the wine because they use only coffee or chocolate, which makes everything so sweet and ughhh. You'll get sick of it after few bites. That's why I didn't have much even though I was looking forward to the cake all night lolol.

SOOOO many people we literally bought the whole shop hahaha.

Yesterday was also one of our friends' birthday, so we had a little celebration after the huge celebration.
Because it was so dark we had to use phone's torch light, I'm so sorry for this picture Min >< But this is the more decent one hahaha. Happy birthday!!

Today we had lunch together with some Japanese friends.
Yup I suck at taking pictures hahaha but I didn't want to stand up to take a full picture... so this from my view will do hahahahaha.

This is us, BEL 15A. 3 of us, 3 years together in future. Finger crossed no one drop out so we 3 can graduate at the same time! I was so shocked to see only 3 people in the batch, seriously. I'm so used to a huge crowd in foundation, even my juniors in foundation are such a huge gang, so I'm really surprised to see 3 even though I expected me alone hahaha. The best thing about smaller class is we get together easily, our fb chat almost ring everyday omg lol. Let the friendship blossom and face every weird class and lecturer in future!

Phew today I sat for my first paper this semester. Spent 1 hour and half to write a 1589 words novella, or I should say transfer, or just copy hahaha. Open book exam though.
Literally wrote throughout the 2.5 hours. Next paper is on next week and then I'm free!!! Sweet semester break is coming! No more one week break omg! Hahahaha..... so sad we had only one week, but now foundation have 2-3 weeks too wtf?

Stop for now, it's tiring to type and so many pictures inserted hahaha.
Until next time, ciao!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Tryin' get busy

It's been a busy week. I'm not the kind who will prepare earlier, I'm more a last-minuter hahaha. That's why lecturer gave us the topic of final public speaking last week, and I only draft the speech today, and I'm going to present on Tuesday. Oh I don't know how am I going to speak. Cards are a MUST. Tried last time go out without cards and powerpoint. God knows how nervous was I, and there's like 10 seconds I forgot my speech, I promise you that 10 seconds is the longest 10 seconds in my life. Everyone was quiet and looking at you innocently waiting for you to speak, while I can't think of anything. Luckily I remember otherwise I'm doomed.

Will be teaching tomorrow to our class, which 6 students and my lecturer hahaha. It's fun seeing friends teaching like a teacher, it's finally my turn tomorrow. NERVOUSSS. But it will be okay, since it's only 7 people lol.

I would say I like my class a lot. People are so friendly, and so strong on speaking motivates me to speak even better. I guess I focus too much on speaking than others. I realize myself be extremely alerted when it comes to speaking class. But whenever I'm trying to speak to lecturers, especially Indian lecturers, I stutter a lot. I have no idea why but I just did... and I seems to speak comfortably with Chinese lecturers. Hahaha nope I'm not racist but it just happens.

Joined an international students programme where 12 Japanese students will come to our university! Woohoo so cool. And I'm in the project too, so I'll be teaching he/she English for 3 months! Okay I'm afraid because everyone knows Japanese's English level, and I saw Makiyo on a show speaking English. Ham-bah-gah is hamburger. I'm terrified. Hahahahaha but everything is gonna be okay! I hope I'll be a good teacher and make my first international friend!

 One of the finals is to write a novella, which is short novel, 1500 words. Okay I only wrote about friendships, a love triangle with good or bad result, and base on a drama show. I have no freaking idea what to write! Can't suppose me to write things about friendship again it's university now. It will be so funny if I write relationship in the final so I seriously have no idea where to start and I better start it earlier hahaha.

Listening to bunch of old Glee songs. Le good old memories. Glee is going to end very soon.... will miss so many things on Glee. The lesson that I learned on Glee, songs and those funny funny names. lol Still a Gleek  ❤️