Saturday, October 10, 2015

9-10-2015

It's been a while.
I've written a post like 1 week before?
I deleted it one day after, as I said in the post.
It's just me throwing tantrum.

Because we were treated like invisible human, and being picked on.
Now I'm over it.
It's just that one day, all the emotions came, and it struck me.
I wrote, I deleted.


I've been listening to Chinese songs for the past 30 minutes now.
I started by 黄昏晓, a song from the drama 微笑pasta, my favourite Taiwanese drama.
Then YouTube started to auto play all the old Chinese songs, and I know all of them hahaha.
It's just me now listening to Chinese songs anymore. I don't know much new songs.
I listen to Korean songs, but only some my favourite artists, and English songs from radio station, which basically the same few songs being played over and over again.


I posted a picture on Instagram last week after I wrote the post.
The comments struck me, again hahahahahaha.
But I finally see the real heart, real feeling.
I'm always guilty for that matter, I always am.
I know I'm the one who brought up the matter, I'm the one who broke everything.
I mentioned it almost every year, I apologized for it almost every year.
What I got was "it's okay" "I've already forgot it"

But last week, I finally see the real emotions.
I know it's never okay, it always got remembered.
It's funny because we see quotes saying don't believe a girl's "I'm okay".
When a girl says she's okay, she is actually not okay.
I think it happened to us. :(

Please let me know if it's not okay.
I always know it's my fault, but you said it's okay.
Then suddenly I can see it's not okay.

But I actually felt relieved ya know lol.
Because to me, it's like we made a move closer to each other.
We became better friends.
We were both not the kind of people who always dig out the heart to each other.
This is the time, I think you dug your heart out, and I finally see the wound that I made.
I'm glad that we were able to do so.
I really am.




Now I'm grateful for the friends that I have.



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