Tuesday, December 20, 2016

AKMU studio in SG 9/12/2016.

So! It's been 1 week since I got back from AKMU concert.
It was so amazing, so tiring, but so worth it.
I really do think $192 worth every penny of it!


We went in Singapore and got out of Stadium mrt station at around 4something or 5.
So we had dinner first.
Literally one of the worst meal I've ever had.
I'm not very picky when it comes to Chinese food, I'm really not.
This is a braised meal set from a Taiwanese restaurant in Kallang Wave.
It's awful.
The greasiness, ugh.
I managed to stuff all of them in because I knew I wouldn't eat anything until I got back to Malaysia.
But the greasiness, ugh.
I had to buy coffee to flush down the greasiness.
And there's one funny thing, I searched wifi, and found one with their shop name.
So I asked the waitress, "do you have wifi here?"
"Wifi? No."
lolol rejected.

 Went ahead to have coffee, trying to sneak wifi too. 
But turned out they don't have wifi 😂
But there's one OCBC bank wifi that we can connect for free for 24 hours.
Finally got connected after few hours.

There were 2 events going on actually, free signed poster and group photograph.
Oh I realized I haven't checked are the photos released, hang on.
They uploaded!!!!!!! ok wait wait will post it.

Erm so, until D-day, the winners weren't announced.
I was angry af because how could they!
They usually announced the winners one day before, and I checked every sns, no results.
So I finally got the chance to check and dang I didn't win the posters :(
But the photographs winners would be announced after the concert.


So, finally went in at like 7.
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
COULDN'T STOP MY INNER SCREAMING OMGOMGOMGOMG

Started 7:35 or something, so damn freaking excited when they came out!!!!!
omg I can still remember the excitements!!!!!!
I couldn't remember every song they sang, but I remember how amazing were they and how amazed was I.
I still remember how the goosebumps just all came up when the screen was rolled up and they said "what's up Singapore!"
I was literally starstruck, and couldn't believe I'm seeing them live.
I was like watching YouTube videos. 
I couldn't believe it. 
The "melted" that they sang, is the best version of all.
I've seen some live performance on YouTube, but dang,
THIS IS THE BEST.
The emotion omg. The audience kept quiet and I was so immersed in the song.
Knowing the lyrics definitely made me wanna cry when I heard them singing it live.

The support team gave us blue light sticks, and I was shaking it like crazy lol
But when I saw around, there weren't many people as high as me.
I was high af.
I didn't take a lot of photos, I just wanna remember the moment that they are standing right in front of me.
My cousin took some, but the phone camera didn't do the justice; they were nearer to us than it appeared in the photos.
The lighting problem also, the reason why we didn't take much photos.




We were happy af because Chanhyuk looked at our area so many times!
He kept standing at our direction and looked at us.
Happy as fuck.
Didn't know he can sing so well, I was wrong.
He had the charisma that the YG family had hahahaha.
Soohyun, dang this girl has gifted voice!!!!!
At one point I was wondering, are they singing live or am I watching YouTube videos?
Because they sang so wellllll!!!!!!!

I didn't know the song 200% could be so high until that day.
They came out from nowhere and everyone was so excited because they were walking into the audiences!
Everyone was basically shouting when singing 200%!


During the interview session, the emcee Dee Kosh, btw YouTuber!
I saw him appeared in SG YouTube channel NOC! hahahaha he's funny af
Anyway he said we can request songs!
Everyone was shouting, then the oppa Chanhyuk pointed at the people literally one row in front of us! 
Because they were holding banners, oppa noticed them a lot, he said.
But they were in shock, and couldn't say anything! so sad......
So oppa wrapped up the situation........
We wanted them to sing ugly/unpretty so much! I heard a lot of shouting hahahaha
So sad couldn't hear it live.......


So after the concert, they announced everyone in CAT 1that had red stars chopped can take photo with them!!!
Everyone were shouting lol. Literally everyone hahahaha I guess all CAT1 got the chance.
We spent $192 after all hahahaha
Mah lucky star!!!




So we're at the first of our group, we both were so desperate wanting to go toilet hahahahaa
I thought we could stand wherever we want since we were the first.
But we got pushed to the corner....... T.T
I wanted to say "you're pretty" to Suhyun! T.T
Far as galaxy but hey!!!! We're in the same picture!!!!! Hahahahahahaha


So we went home and arrived in Malaysia at 12am sharp lololol.

Went back and uploaded a video, and wrote a long long post in Korean since I'm still high hahahaaha! Not going to translate it though.




There's one thing that I'm sad, that is the duo asked how did we know them?
Because there's leftover tickets?
Because they're from YG?
Because of Bigbang?
I'm so sad because they asked this in Taiwan too.
I shook my head with the best I could and a lot of us shouted "Kpop star"!
They were surprised hahahaah

It's like they don't believe they have fans overseas. 
We love you not because you're from YG, not because of your seniors aka sunbaes,
but YOU. 
Since Kpop star, I found them interesting.
They sang a lot of self composed songs, and the lyrics are fun.
They were so good, I started to love them.
I cried when they sang "officially missing you" because of the pain Soohyun was suffering.
I cried when they won the champion because i prefer them over Bang Yedam, who is also YG trainee now.
 I was happy when they decided to sign to YG. They can make their own music, that's how YG works.
They released first album "Play", I bought them off Taobao hahaha because the receipt could support them.
I replayed the CD so many times that I can remember the sequence of songs.
When Soohyun made sub-unit with Lee Hi, I was happy!
"I'm different" was so fun!
I'm always proud that us the AKMU made Nam JooHyuk famous because he stared in the music videos "200%" and "Give Love".
I love the album "spring".

We love you, because of who you are, and the music you made.
Not because of the others.
I'm grateful that even though they're in YG, they get to release 2 albums in 3 years.
I'm thankful they got a lot of chances.
YG covers, new singles, appearing on Sketchbook.

Now the new album will be releasing in January 2017.
I can't wait for it.
Even though it may be the last before oppa Chanhyuk serves military.



I love AKMU!
악뮤 사랑합니다!!!!



Thursday, December 8, 2016

Hi December

I was thinking what to write.
Then I decided to flip through my phone's album, and picked some out to share.
Since I wanted to write something, but can't think of anything haha!


Exciting news! I'm going to the Akdong Musician's concert!!!
If you don't know, AKMU is a sibling duet group from Korea.
I love them so so so much that I can't even.
I started to notice them since the Kpop-star 2 that they took part in.
Annnnnndddd the next thing I know, I'm their fans.
I'm actually very excited but I don't know where to express my feelings since they're so underated here.
That's what I thought.
Because I asked help from my friend aka Ms Mong to buy the tickets since she has Singapore card, it will be easier that I pay her cash later. 
She was so kind to buy the tickets on the day when the tickets were open to sale.
But you know what.
A lot of the best seats are gone!
She bought this at 12-ish pm, and the tickets were opened at 10am.
I could only manage to get the fourth row at the center.
I definitely underestimated the popularity!
But anyways, I'm excited!!!!!
Definitely will write a post for it. 💓


A month before, they went to Taiwan as the first oversea concert.
The support team organized an event which fans can send in photos for them to make it into a video, and played it on the concert as a surprise for the duo!
And I definitely had to take part hahahaha!
I wrote "Malaysia is also waiting for you! Please do come faster!! T.T" on the board,
and "You're attractive, I'm attracted" on the paper. 
I'm not sure if my photo was out on the concert, because they said the video was trimmed by the Korea side.
But mine is definitely in the video! Woohoo!
I really hope they can come to Malaysia.
I struggled for few days when they wanted to go SG.
SG or MY? That is a question hahahaha!
Since this is an Asian tour, I think they will come MY.
But if they do come, it's 200% in KL. Then it will be very troublesome for me to go. 
And I can't make sure that they'll come. 
They only announce the next venue sometime near the current concert.
Few days before they just announced the next is Shanghai.
So I'm happy that I get to see them this year!
But they're releasing new album next January......
Then they will sing new songs at the next tour......... damn sad.


There's one day the ex-president of Taiwan, Ma Ying Jeou came to our school to give a talk.
I still don't understand why did he came, and what was he talking about lol.
I didn't want to go at first, because we literally need to apply online and write an essay about the future of the Chinese lmfao the stupidest way I've ever seen. 
But we have 2 reserved tickets for department of English.
As the president. of course I have to keep one for myself😂😂
Free leh, of course take lah!

Mah DOE people.





We went back kampung for my grandma's.... I said one anniversary 一週年 😂😂
It's erm 忌日 hahahaha.
Oh and I finally changed my spectacles after like 5/6 years!!!!
I like this one so much!
I made it blue control lens so everything I see is like with a yellow hue.
But it's supposed to be better for you if you're looking at computer or phone a lot🙋
Which is basically me.

Nothing else better to do.
Oh look at my XL double chin lol






 My aunt takes care of this little guy and I like him soooooooooo much!
I love babies in general lol.
He's sooooooo cute!!!!!!!!



 There's a new container cafe opened in our school few months before. I think it's this semester.
And I'm the regular there hahaha!
These past few weeks I didn't go as much and when I did go, the staff said I've been missing for too long hahahaha.
I only drink ice americano without sugar, so whenever I go, I'll just tell her ice or hot.
Where 99% is cold. I think I only had hot once.
I drink so much cold until when it's raining, she'll say "it's raining but ice right?"
hahahahahahaha
Before she'll ask "it's raining, still ice? not hot?"
She just gave up hahahaha


Yesterday I went out to have this!!!! Finally!!!
I've been nagging for bingsu for a few weeks now, and I finally get to eat it! Hurray!
This is at 첫눈 Cheot Nun, which means the first snow.
Mango Bingsu, Rm26.9.
I think it worth every penny!! There's soooooooooo many mangoes!
I had one mango bingsu somewhere else and it definitely did not have this much mangoes.
I wanted to try their 팥빙수 as well, which is the simplest one the milk shaved ice and red beans. But I love red beans!
The environment is okay and quiet, but I do think it's a little hot.
Perhaps the weather was just too hot as well. 
And I find their ordering system funny lol.

So when I walked in, I walked straight to the counter because it seems like I need to order at the counter.
But the staff picked up menus and came out, then I asked should I sit first, she said yes.
After we sat down, she gave us the menu, and informed us that we need to order at the counter.
lolololololol
Why can't I just order straight at the counter once I come in? Why the hustle?
lolololololol
But she was very friendly, a malay girl.
She gave us plain water before our bingsu got served. and she asked do we need small bowls for it and i rejected lol.

The shaved ice was very fineeee and very yummyyyyyyyy
I'll definitely visit again! It's just the carpark is a little tricky😅




Somehow I managed to wrap a post with pictures hahahahahah!
Anyway, it's December now.
2016 is going to enddddddd soon.
It hasn't been a nice year to me.
My favourite group 2NE1 disbanded and I cried when I see the news.
I didn't believe it so I searched it on Naver, a Korean site.
Saw the tittle and released 8 mins ago, I took a huge gasp.
Took a deep breathe, starting to encoding the Korean hahaha
This is the first time I hate the fact that I know Korean.
That I can read a Korean news article. That my fav group is disbanding.
Rumors are going everywhere, XXI.
I'm still sad.
I cried few times when I watched responding videos on YouTube.
I still can't sing their songs in karaoke. 
I still love 2NE1.

 

Friday, November 18, 2016

17-11-2016

應該要在讀research做功課的
但是就想上網


下個學期要去實習了
我真的很怕 挫到半死
我什麼都還沒決定好
去哪裡實習還沒final desicion
我真的很怕

要出去面對世界了耶
但我還沒準備好
我還沒準備好當一名老師
心理壓力很大
下星期連續2天microteaching壓力也很大

明年讀完我就畢業了耶
TMD終於要畢業了
每次人家問什麼時候畢業
哦17年年底讀完就畢業咯
哇這麼久啊!

靠! 姐讀的是degree
你是要多快???
等畢業出來正式工作的時候已經23歲了
總覺得很遲了
但是卻是剛剛畢業的時間
很奇妙

對於要畢業這件事情
我還沒有很好的消化
我只希望快點卸任  我真的好累
但我自己沒辦法交辭職信給我自己  (笑
所以沒辦法
撐下去唄~~


突然想看doctors哈哈哈哈哈
覺得自己很dry
可能太久沒看韓劇滋養一下了  (笑
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
韓劇一直是最快讓人體驗談戀愛的方法
想念hong ssaem了
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
這個角色真的很喜歡啊啊啊啊
可愛可愛的  雖然有點年紀了哈哈哈哈



running man Gary下車這件事真的好難過
下車那集我真的一直在哭
雖然最新一集又有gary
雖然一直看見gary
可是最後的最後的問候
好像就真的是最後一次了.....
感覺以後不會再看見gary出現在rm了............
但這次週一粉紅爆了!!!!!
下車才粉紅是怎麼一回事!!!
但粉紅也好像是為了鋪陳智孝要唱的那首歌的歌詞啦
但還是甜甜的 
感覺棒棒噠




好了姐要做功課了
可悲的大學單身狗



Tuesday, October 18, 2016

18-10-2016

好難過.
不知道原因的難過.
完全不知道再難過什麼
但是總覺得悶悶的
總覺得有話要說出來
但不知道是什麼話
不知道該從何想起.


只要看當下在想什麼
就能夠知道自己的情緒

我好想好想吃creme brulee.
我好想去玩arcade games.
因為心情不好了.

上星期吃了creme brulee.
我沒有在說謊
吃下第一口的時候我真的笑得很開心
通知服務生可以上甜品的時候就開始很開心  好期待.
一直忍不住的想蠕動 哈哈哈哈

吃下去的時候真的好開心
不知道為什麼
對creme brulee也沒有什麼特別的記憶
只是我是從high school musical知道這個甜品的哈哈哈哈哈

就真的忍不住的笑
那剎那真的覺得好幸福
原來一個小小的布丁也可以讓我好幸福好開心
現在回想當時的自己 真的哭笑不得
怎麼會有一個傻婆因為吃了一口布丁而笑得停不下來呢真是的


但現在好想吃
好想吃了笑一笑 


上星期真的瘋狂的想吃蛋糕類
可是沒有一款是吃了可以讓我很開心的
想自己做了
一個簡單的海綿蛋糕
涂上滿滿厚厚的鮮奶油
然後配酸酸的草莓或甜甜的藍莓
感覺就很棒
但其實重點就是那甜甜油油的鮮奶油啦哈哈哈哈


會一直crave for sweetssss

覺得心累



想辭職不幹了
上星期society rooms大掃除
我們也必須派人出去
TMD沒有一個人可以去
我就這樣一個人孤苦伶仃的去
覺得好難過 好心酸 好丟臉

我一直很愛的DOE
結果是這樣對我的
心累啊
等我卸任后我什麼都不要參加了
什麼都不要做了
我累了
從副主席到主席
一屆一屆的看著沒人幫助的自己
真的很無奈很心累

想離開馬來西亞
想離開這個世界



哈哈哈哈哈哈
說得好簡單
怎麼可能做得到呢


Monday, September 26, 2016

Monday Blues.

有的時候只想像個小孩一樣

什麼都不做

盡情的玩

吃好多好多的食物

吃好多好多的甜的.

然後心情變得好好好棒

整個快飛上了天了呢.

然後突然
ç °.

跌下來了.

想起來了

我是21歲的成人了.

我長大了.

我是可以合法進賭場的人了

我是可以投票了的人了.



時間回不去.

不能再像小孩子一樣

自由自在

沒有煩惱.

長大了

煩惱也多了.


可以做的

只有時時刻刻笑著吧.

只要笑一笑

沒有什麼事情過不了.


:)




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

한국어 더 잘하고싶은데

잘 안돼.

아무리 해도

말이 안 나와.

이상황를 보고있는 나

진짜 답답해.

글이 잘 쓸고 뭐해?

말이 걸어면 

끝.


Tuesday, September 13, 2016

13-9-2016

各種羨慕.

各種嫉妒.

各種如果我是妳就好.

各種為什麼我活成這個樣子.

各種幻想.

各種換位思考.

各種的

各種.



人生就是這樣吧.

一直把別人的生活放大來看.

為什麼別人比我好一千倍
一萬倍. 



其實人生也不過如此.

我看你好

你看我好.

總是對自己的生活不滿意.

總是覺得別人活得比自己好.

總是看不到自己的好.

說不定別人也有羨慕我的地方?

說不定我的生活中也有別人想要的東西?

總是不能這麼想.

總是把自己貶低到一無是處.

總覺得自己是最差的.






這就是人生吧.


:)

Saturday, August 13, 2016

深夜一寫

現在是凌晨2點48
深夜一寫  寫完就要睡
但是我相信我又會躺在床上刷微博至少半個小時到一個小時哈哈哈哈
關注太多人了 很多文章可以看


嗯 怎麼開始呢
上一篇我說到我覺得我老了是吧
好像真的這麼覺得了呢

我本來就很宅  我不喜歡踏出家門 甚至房門
如果家裡只有我一個人
除了去廚房煮東西吃  我可以完全不踏出房門
有電腦有冷氣有床
我是在想不到出去的理由

以前的我就是這樣的了
但是我很喜歡找朋友出去
自從會開車了以後 我就很喜歡出去
foundation的時候沒有朋友  每天都是兩點一線
家---學校
就這兩點
但是唯一讓我覺得不一樣的 是和朋友出去的時候 多了一點哈哈哈哈 (no pun intended)
有很長的一段時間 我都只有一個朋友
不管是在學校 還是真正被我當成朋友的人
這兩個地方都分別只有1個人
因為我從來不是一個主動的人 所以有緣的 我們那麼幸運還一直再聯絡的
我會一直聯絡下去 因為我很喜歡你 我們才會這樣一直當朋友

慢慢的大家又大了一年
我好像又恢復到了一個人的時候了
當然這沒有什麼不好 我很享受一個人的時候
然後現在我很幸運 學校有了不只一個朋友
但是學校的朋友終究是學校的朋友
 å¤§å®¶éƒ½æ˜¯ä¾†è‡ªä¸åŒçš„地方 一到了假期 回家的人回家 忙的人忙
偏偏我的朋友們都不是這裡人 所以一到假期 我們就等於斷了聯絡
然後我又回歸一個人的時候了
我依然享受著  這真的沒有什麼不好


只是這個時候  我開始覺得我變老了
原因是  我開始不喜歡出門了
學校的朋友們不說
我真正的朋友們 我真的有放在心裡的朋友們 明明都在這裡
可是我開始害怕去聯絡
我開始害怕見面了

我這個人這輩子就是一直在做錯事 不斷地闖禍
我真的很怕我再做錯事了哈哈哈哈哈

做drama的時候我有被投訴哈哈哈哈
說我對她特別兇 對另一個人不會這樣
我的說法是我希望你更好

其實是因為比較熟悉吧
越熟悉的人 我會越兇(?) 越會亂說話
因為 我們熟
對一個人的親密度 是看說話的時候可以說到什麼程度吧
drama的時候我一直很不爽一個人 可是我從來沒有當面正面的兇她
因為我們的親密度不是好到可以當面起衝突的
因為我知道起了衝突很有可能收不回來

但是很熟很熟的人 我敢
因為我覺得我們的親密度到了那裡 

同時我有一個很壞的壞習慣
以為自己什麼都懂什麼都看透
我常常會抱著一種 我是為了你好的心態
明明自己無知到一個什麼地步  可是對別人的時候卻總是這樣
在學校也是會這樣


看著大家慢慢變好  我的自卑心卻越來越重哈哈哈哈
都TMD 21歲快22歲了
為什麼還是這樣 不管外表 還是心態
好像絲毫沒有好轉的感覺



awww不寫了  3點了
再寫下去又要變成一大篇伴著眼淚寫的文章了
就這樣吧  晚安


ps: 我最近真的很入迷pokemon go!
Go Team Valor!!!

Thursday, August 4, 2016

I feel old.

Ugh there's so many things make me feel old.
I started to think my body has slowed down, unlike how I was wayyyy back then.


Randomly came across an article on high school musical, Troy Bolton's graduation speech.
So reading it made me tear a little, but I found the video on YouTube, and it's a huge breakdown lol.



Ugh here I am with my HSM story again.
2 more months to the 8 years anniversary of HSM 3.
I cannot describe how important is the series to me.
I cannot explain why I started to cry like someone dead when I was just trying to find some HSM quotes.
Things like this always make me wanted to have a HSM marathon again.

HSM is the best thing happened in my life.
I will never let it go.
I always identified myself as one of the wildcats.
So if someone yell "what team?", no matter where I am or how old I am,
I would definitely yell back "Wildcats!"
And I'll never forget,
once a wildcat, always a wildcat.



Now I'm on sembreak, and I started Korean drama marathon lol.
Started with Doctors, because I love doctors story,
and because it's the one with the most episodes out now, so I figure I don't have to wait for a long time.
But I finished 12 episodes in 2 days, and I just finished the remained 2 episodes....
So here comes the waiting...........
 
But I'm so obsessed with the show!
I like the setting of both male leads.
Dr Hong is mature, but a little cute underneath. I like how when he's speaking to Hye Jung.
But Dr Jung is so serious at work and to Soo Wu, but so gentle to Hye Jung lol.
每看一部韓劇就要發花癡一次 哈哈哈哈哈


I think my tears finally stopped lollll.
HSM songs still playing at the background though.



Tuesday, July 19, 2016

It's July!

Hihihi I'm finally back! 
It's been a chaotic month to me!!!!

First and foremost, I'm so happy to say the my drama finally ended T.T
OMG I can't even describe how my feeling was T.T

When I heard the very last line from my actor, goosebumps went over my body.
I was busying gather everyone behind the curtain for the curtain bow, so I wasn't paying attention to them in front.
But when I heard that line, omg....
Then we open the curtain, I led the team to bow, and it all ended there....

 We spent 14 weeks to make this happen.
We went through a lot of things.
I changed my leads, my team member's job.
I literally threw one member away. I wanted him to fail.
After all he did to us.
Absence to rehearsals even wayyy before the rehearsal, when we were doing the scripts.
Giving excuses, not paying attention at all to us.
We spend few weeks time practicing the same scenes again and again.
After I changed the lead, everything seems going smoothly.

Just when I thought everything was okay, we had some fights again.
But thankfully everything has ended.
There's still some mistakes and regrets in the show, but hey, I knew they gave their best out there.

14 weeks of effort has turned into an 1.5 hour show on stage.
And we have to be proud of it.
I really hope that's something worthy to stay in the history of DOE.


 This was from the rehearsal the day before, and basically this is the whole cast.
And the whole DOE hahaha!

 I made a little ending credit video to play at the end. 
I made everyone stayed to watch this, but it's only 1 minute long lololol.
I think this is important because it credits the cast.
We spent so many time on this, I can't let them just go on stage for few minutes and nothing else.
So I made this! Very short haha. 
We have picture on because we are the leading team and we hold important positions.
I hope you can watch this because I uploaded this on YouTube but set it on private, not sure if everyone can see it. *fingers crossed*




I also met up with my favourite people in the world on last Friday (15-7-2016).
 Look at my fucking sweat.


We actually celebrated Esther's birthday one month in advanced!!! Hahahahaha
It's so crazy I never celebrate someone's birthday so early!!!


Ms Mong wrapped the flowers omg. She's so good at this kind of thing and it saved us a lot of money. Like seriously a lot.






Despite everything, I seriously love this group of people. 
I have so many things to confessed to Esther lol.
Wait for my letter lololol.
I find myself always confessed to people when it's their birthday.
Like hey today's your birthday so you have to forgive me lol.
Like new year or whatsoever.

Everyone had gotten slimmer and slimmer and here I am still fat like hell.

We said a lot of ghost stories that day, and it freaked me and Tang Tang out since we're the most cowards here.

And I love everyone's reaction when I tell them what happened to my bro lol.
I get the same face and reaction all the time!

And omg, our topics get more and more mature every time!



I'm happy we're still together for another year.
6 years since form 4 when all 5 of us in the same class.
Eunice and Esther, 8 years.
And we're still counting.
I'm so afraid that I'll lose all of you.
Thank you for still being together.


Monday, July 4, 2016

4-7-2016

Ughhhhh
Only come back to here when I'm feeling negative.

It's the time again.
I feel like I'm hated by the whole world.
How I wish I could just dig a hole that's deep enough to hide me for the rest of my life.
Or I just get into a car accident and just let me die.
Oh God, please take me.

This happens when I'm deep deep deep in negativity.
Everything around me seemed so depressed. 
I'm depressed.
I started to talk so much lesser.


I'm the kind who never take the initiative to go and ask what's wrong.
Never.
So bad. Bad.

Because I don't dare to face the truth.
It's been so long, I've lived 21 years and a half, yet I'm still the kind who always run away.
I'm so afraid.
What if after I ask, we argue?
What if all happens because of me?

I've been through so many times.
It's enough.

I started to be quiet when things happen.
I know this is bad, but I can't do anything else.


 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

14-6-2016

Sometimes I'm thinking.....
Am I the only one who's holding on....?

I do cherish every relationship I have. 
Especially you guys. 
You guys are special, we were special. 

But as the time goes by, things changed. 
I hate changes. 
But we can't stop the changes...right?
I think I just accept the truth. 

I do feel guilty sometimes. When I'm very happy or close with my friends in school.
I felt like I deserted you guys. I felt like I'm growing distant with you guys. 
And the truth is, yes I did....

Being someone who's never take the courage to go and contact you guys, it's hard. 
I always be like the usual me when I'm around you, but you're not the same anymore. 
It's like I've been at the same place for so long, yet you had moved on. 
Like I'm the only one who wants to hold on the past. 


I don't know how to react. I became afraid to read your messages. What if I say the wrong things again? What if I do something wrong again? I'm afraid....


We never been the kind of friends who can really say the true feeling towards each other from the bottom of heart. 
We always escape. We run away. 

I thought we will be good for the rest of our lives. I thought we're good. 
I thought. 


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

責任感

Thinking overflowing now.
Should be studying for the test tomorrow, but I haven't started a word.

我很容易賭氣 說出一些奇怪的話
後來才來後悔 (笑

我很反骨 別人說什麼我就是想要去反
憑什麼覺得你的理論是對的?
我覺得這樣才是對的
瘋狂反對
我真的很適合去辯論
只是我口齒不清 加上會罵粗話 加上很歪理哈哈哈哈


我真的很看重每一個承諾.
任何一個.
小小的承諾 它還是個承諾.
一旦沒有被實現 我會很不爽


Priority很重要
必須要知道什麼比較重要 什麼可以稍稍延後
在學校 只要是代表係會的 只要是drama的事情
對我而言絕對優先 絕對排第一
只因為我的職位讓我必須這樣

我真的不明白為什麼有一些人
sit on that position
但是不知道自己的priority
既然是這個職位 就必須知道自己的重要性

至少我是這樣認為的.



會議我也不喜歡去 但是我堅持要去
為什麼? 因為當時我是副主席
主席不在 我是不是應該要代表出席?
但是你一直叫我不要去 (笑
你說很無聊 不用去的啦 (笑
到底知不知道什麼應該擺在前面?
到底是責任重要  還是無不無聊重要?

很慶幸你不是我現在的位子
不然我們.....完蛋了哈哈哈哈哈

曾經有一個全部係會要開的會 叫我5分鐘前從3樓下去1樓
最後我選擇提早5分鐘到
裡面已經坐滿人


我真的很疑惑 到底知道自己的責任嗎?

Monday, June 6, 2016

6-6-2016

不知道是電腦還是wifi的問題
一直卡卡的
老天保佑是wifi不要是電腦
我的電腦不能出問題 切拜
 
昨天晚上在去吃餐的路上 在車里很有寫部落格的idea的
可惜沒有記錄下來
因為已經很久沒好好寫比較深層面的東西
好像一直都停留在很表面的問題
 
 
我又過了很頹廢的3天 
週末就是瘋狂the sims
累了就睡 醒了就玩 然後間中看了3集不同的韓綜
大推 姐姐們的slam dunk! 
覺得好看
是說6個members們實現他們以前未完成的夢
 
 
 
 
我記憶力很差是眾所皆知的
沒在開玩笑 我的記憶力真的差到可以
今天可以連明天的綵排都忘記了
 
到底是真的記憶力差  還是不想記起來
 
人都有潛意識
潛意識是subconscious  我們不會認知到我們做出了這個決定 或有了這個想法
這個是我們控制不了的 不是經過思考才做的決定或想法
 
是我潛意識下不想去綵排 才選擇忘記?
因為綵排我真的好累
cast都是自己的同學 不然就是我的junior們
我不能真的多兇
大不了就是臉一直很臭
上星期的綵排我很生氣 沒人注意聽我的指示
我喊停 說 "你們在做什麼"
我看到他們僵掉的臉了
我太兇了?
但是真的 你們在做什麼?
為什麼才剛給的指示卻沒辦法做?



我很喜歡the sims 
因為我可以step out from my life, and live others' life
現實生活讓人很累
所以我玩the sims 我可以過不一樣的生活


上兩個星期我去popular書展買了幾本書
同學看到了 問我知道這些作者嗎?
我說為什麼我要知道 我看的都是fiction 不是literature
他說 哦對哦

為什麼每次都要讓我覺得不讀literature 不讀經典的人不是英文系的人?
我真的看不到literature對我們的影響 還有為什麼我們需要literature
 
我看的都是fiction 都只是小說
和the sims一樣的道理
我要過別人的生活
 
書裡面描述的都和我本身的生活不一樣
所以透過書 我可以過不一樣的生活 就這麼簡單
我不需要書有多大的道理 我只想好好讀一本書
我不想讀一本書還要先了解作者的背景 作者的思想
才來看書
看完書了還要分析這個內容和作者有什麼關係
和作者生活或出生的年代有什麼關係
作者那個時候經歷了什麼 世界大戰嗎還是什麼
這都和他所寫的書有關係
這是真的 可是好累
 
 
還記得以前上great book reading的時候 我們做的是metamorphosis
對我而言 它就是一本小說 變形記 一個人變成昆蟲后的樣子
可是他不是這麼簡單 為什麼會變昆蟲
變成昆蟲後的行為 別人對他的行為 態度
全都是有意思的
還要去分析  不覺得很累嗎?
 



這星期要去KL 我一直拖著巴士票的事情
一直忘記
為什麼? 我在逃避.
為什麼又要我做?
酒店我已經自動找了 為什麼巴士票也要我查?


上星期我們在為drama試妝
朋友一直叫我幫他化 可以省時間 而且他的妝就只是日常妝
我一開始一直拒絕 後來還是化了
化的時候他也問我 為什麼剛一直不要花 不是很喜歡化妝嗎?
是, 我是很喜歡化妝
但是這不是我的工作
既然我都選了一個化妝師 為什麼我還要下去化?

去年也一樣 明明有化妝師
大家放著他不用跑來找我
當時我忙著綵排自己的部分 還有換衣服 化自己的妝 頭髮是朋友在我化妝的時候幫我用的
 
我不是覺得麻煩
而是既然有一個化妝師了 為什麼不要找他?
為什麼要讓他過的很輕鬆? 為什麼要幫忙分擔?
現實一點 我們做的drama是有分數的 為什麼我要讓他輕鬆拿分數?
 
做好自己分內的工作很重要
所以我一直很努力地在做好導演這個角色
但是大家都沒把我當一回事是怎樣?
 
上兩個星期有一天上完早課回家 要去上下午的課的時候我爆發了
整個大哭
開始覺得我做不好導演 也做不好主席的工作
我真的適合嗎? 選我是對的嗎?
我開始在懷疑 所以大哭
從家裡哭到去學校
一路上一邊開車一邊哭  (笑
 
只覺得擔子很重
做不好任何決定會拖累別人
所以我很害怕


Tuesday, May 24, 2016

23-5-2016

진짜 오랜만이에요
특히 이렇게 한국어로 쓰는 포스트
처음이죠?
사실 제가 예전에 한번 쓰는 적이 있어요
하루후 바로 삭제 했어요 ㅋㅋ
너무 챙피했어 ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ

지금 용기를 냈고 한국어로 쓰고이잖아요
얼마 정도로 버텨수있어 잘 모르겠지만... ㅋㅋㅋ
암튼 일단 해봐요~

아마 이 포스트 알아 읽은 사람이 많지않아걸


그냥 요즘에 너무 피곤했어요
할 일이 정말 많거든요
근데 아무것도 안 하는 기분? ㅋㅋㅋ
ㅠㅠ


 í•œë‹¬í›„ 우리 학교에 오는 일본 교환생들이 일본로 돌아가요.... ㅠㅠ
생각만 해도 울컥 ><
정말 떠나가기 싫어요 ㅠㅠ
정말 싫어요....

완전 많이 울거에요 ㅠㅠ

 ì§€ê¸ˆ 시간 12:22am
역시 멀리 안 버텨네... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
앞으로 다시 도전 하겠습니다!
다시 한국어로 쓸거에요!!!
지금 너무 줄려요
그리고 아무 생각 없어요.. ㅋㅋㅋ
뭐 써야지 잘 모르겠어요... ㅋ
다음에 다시 잦아 뵙겠습니다 ㅋㅋㅋ!
그럼 안녕!!
 
 

Monday, May 16, 2016

15-5-2016

我又來了
睡前寫一寫

難得一直在家的週末
昨天星期六 我沒有踏出家門一步
今天和老爸出門吃了飯 然後再也沒有出房門 直到晚餐煮東西吃
這兩天是很舒服的
玩電腦 累了想睡了就關燈爬上床睡
2, 3個小時候起來 滑滑手機繼續上網
然後就到現在了

因為weekdays 我真的很忙
一個星期5天 固定帶日本人去吃晚餐3天
剩下2天晚上自由
下午是固定在學校搞我們的drama

果然不發威 沒人把我當director
一直以為我好欺負嗎
我什麼都爆發了 再也忍不下去

每次開完會 我們導演組 其實也才2人 都要再聊天哈哈哈
因為太不配合了
才6個人的team 竟然做不到團結
我也是醉了

現在只希望搞好這個drama
就連share poster, 寫下 "英文系年度巨作"
這幾個字我都在猶豫 真的可以這樣寫嗎?
萬一做不出就很丟臉.....
但是我還是寫了.
我沒有要最好, 我要盡力.
只要盡力, 只要我們真的放心思去做, 就夠了.
我們沒有要出去比賽 我們只是要給大家看
英文系不是你們以為的只會讀英文
We are so much better than that.


我愛的樂童音樂家出專輯了喲 大家請支持哈哈哈
除了2首主打 我最愛的是慢歌Around 주변인
中文叫周邊人? 哈哈哈不知道 感覺更適合翻譯成 the outsider
第一段歌詞我就很喜歡了
"別人都說我變了 但我覺得是他們變了"
到底是誰變了?
站在不同的立場 都有不一樣的見解.

我是個很心軟的人 所以當有人給我一個藉口的時候
我的第一反應是心軟了. 好吧原來你經歷了這樣的事情所以我不能逼你
但是我現在很理智了
仔細想想 真的可以相信嗎?

說好聽是 理智
其實是 對人們沒有信心了 是猜疑心很重了
因為我無法相信了.


也不知道說了什麼
5月過了一半了
上星期和日本人說到剩下1個半月了
我看見她的眼眶濕濕了
我眼淚也快衝出來了

我真的不知道到時候我該怎麼辦
去年沒有很熟悉的我都爆哭了
還記得那天我一下車看到她 我的眼淚就不停了

這次和大家混得那麼好 那麼熟
我真的不知道該怎麼辦.......
我好捨不得...........
再也沒有人在學校裡遠遠一看見我就喊Selina~!!!
不會了.
剩下1個半月 要好好的在一起 好好地度過

很神奇1個多月就可也以變這麼熟這麼親
為什麼和本地人做不到?
如果是剛認識一個新朋友 知道3個月后會分離 我相信不會難過
可是為什麼這些人 我會難過?

因為經歷過 回到日本的晚上
我就難過了 明明前一天還在一起吃晚餐
今天我們就分隔兩地了 再也不能一起吃晚餐了
也好想念Remi啊!!
但是到最後都沒能很熟悉真的很難過 很遺憾
所以這次一開始我就決定不要留下遺憾
換來的是3個月后的更難過
而且這次是2個日本學生一組 本來難過就已經雙倍了
偏偏還有和其他人熟
我不知道難過會增加多少倍


 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

26-4-2016

好像很久沒有寫中文了
今天就來寫一寫吧 :D


很久以前 我寫了很惡心的一篇文
好啦其實惡心的可能不止一篇 
但是我剛好翻到了那一篇
 å‹¾èµ·äº†å›žæ†¶ 寫那篇文的當下的心情
還有那一陣子的心情

其實一直沒看開過哈哈哈哈哈
一直還是會好奇 會去想 到底事情是怎麼一回事?

我是個很容易想很多的人
所以我總是在重點旁邊繞圈圈
因為重點以外的東西也很重要的感覺

當初我就是一直在重點旁邊繞
死都不要直接走到重點那裡去

一直猜 一直想
這麼多年了 從來沒有個答案

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈自己就像個傻逼



以前的我眼淚很多
我真的很多很多
現在好像少了很多

因為忙碌 沒時間看很多韓劇
沒時間看很多的video
只能在忙碌時間硬擠時間出來看running man和無限挑戰
除了這2個 基本上都沒什麼在看
韓劇也看到一半沒能繼續
這個學期真的太忙了


但是偶爾會突然想掉淚
有一次送了日本學生們回去宿舍后
一個人離開 還沒到校門口
我的眼淚就掉了
為什麼哭? 不知道哈哈哈哈
然後我就會聽ladies code的就算痛也要微笑
歌詞真的很感人
只要認真聽 我就會哭

眼淚常常是這樣莫名其妙的掉了.



如果你問我 這1年多來你學了什麼?
我可以很DOE的樣子和你說 哦linguistic啦semantics啦literature啦drama啦等等等等
你可能不懂什麼來的科目
統稱為英文系科目的科目們

但是人際關係方面
我可以和你說
我看盡了冷熱  謊言  背叛  欺騙
這真的是我沒有預料過的
在一個學期內修完了.

導致現在有點不是很相信人
總會去懷疑別人說的話

但最近我也學到了一個道理
第一印象不是全部  是要去了解那個人

因為我們常常因為第一印象就去定義一個人
可是那隻是第一印象
慢慢相處 去了解那個人
才能確定這個人適不適合做朋友

這個我有深刻體會
有個人 我一開始看到她 我覺得她很loud很吵
可是相處一天下來 其實她很細心 其實她這樣做是有原因的
其實沒有第一印象那麼壞



哈哈哈哈又說偏了
其實活了21å¹´  心動了2次吧
其實第一次也不懂是不是哈哈哈哈哈
還是純粹跟風
但是就算是2次吧
我沒有在期待第3次哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
一個人又沒幹嘛
我現在活的很快樂

日本學生們都很愛找我
有事沒事Selina~~~
看到我都會超級熱情打招呼 
這樣真的很開心
我感覺我被需要
我不是透明人  有人在乎我的存在
這樣就可以了哈哈哈


真的開始覺得肩膀上的擔子很重
昨天在學校小型聚會被罵
我開完會趕到的第一句話是uncle 我是主席 有什麼事嗎
wow 我是主席 這句話就這樣脫口而出
昨天算是第一次體驗到身為主席所有的責任吧
因為開完會後同學找來 說他要找主席
匆忙趕去 就是為了不讓我的member被欺負
有事我來扛哈哈哈
原來這就是主席

身為director
什麼決定大家都看著我
我是要怎麼樣? 哈哈哈
真的不應該由選擇恐懼症的我來做director的
但是我絕對要搞好這個drama
不管是身為這部戲的director
還是什麼department of English的主席
我都要搞好
其實真的沒想象中簡單哈哈哈哈
但是劇本我就已經疲憊 但我們只做了1/6

文筆好像不如以前了
現在說著的都是些雜碎事情
沒辦法好好組織語言 好好地寫一篇文
可能還沒遇到值得坐下來好好寫心情的事情吧


其實我很累



Thursday, April 21, 2016

It's a new semester.

omg I can't believe the last post that I've written was like a month ago....
when I was still on sembreak.
But now I'm on the second week of a whole new semester!!!! Woohoo!

It's been a reallyyyyyy hectic 2 weeks.
I mean seriously, seriously, seriously hectic.

The first week is always all about the student bazaar.
Being the only one who lives at home and drives to school in our committee, I have to basically move my kitchen to school.
I skipped a class just to prepare things.
This is how desperate is our society.....

This week I'm always home after 10.
Most of the time 12. 
Why 12? Because our school's curfew is 12am.

I was celebrating a Japanese friend's birthday on Monday.
I was rushing a work yesterday.
There's a thing called "My Dynamic Campus" in our school, basically is a performance day.
I went there as an audience of course, to support my Japanese friends.

Tomorrow is our hi-bye party of the semester, I'm going to home late too.

I'm so damn tired. It's 1:47am now by the way.


I have a lot of positions now lol.
I'm the president of DOE,
the director of a drama which we will put it together on stage in this sem,
and assistant language teacher of the Korean Culture Club's classes.

I'm only the basic's class'.
There's another guy who is so much more better than me in the advanced class.
But I don't think I'm able to handle the advanced class though hahaha.
So I'm only going to help out in the basic class.
Which....... I think may be too basic to me too. hahahaha!
The president was skeptical when he wanted me.
Because he said I'm more than the basic class, but there's no one else who know Korean, that's why I get the job.

I'm actually not that good in Korean though.
I can write, but I can't speak well.
I'm so much better in writing than speaking. I can express better and grammatically correct in writing than speaking.
This is weird but this is how I am lol.
Because I'm always texting Koreans, not speaking.
I get nervous when I'm around Korean hahaha.

Drama. Yes it is a stage drama but not musical.
We suggested High School Musical lol.
I can write the script in 1 day.
But apparently our teacher doesn't like it hahaha, she didn't use it.
I don't know am I capable to be the director.
I'm not even sure if I'm suitable to be the president of DOE.....

But I'll do my best.
Try to get everything in place and done well.

It's 1:54am now.
Goodnight.

 

Monday, March 28, 2016

I'm on sem break.

Oh yeah the sweet sembreak has finally come!!!!!
Hooray!

I'm again the language partner of the Aichi University Students Exchange program of our school.
 I did my very first emcee in my whole life. 
It was amazing, I didn't really do much, all I did was read the script.
But the compliments from our dean and a stranger, darn it felt good lol.
Our dean must've said it because well I'm from his department lol.
But after the event ended, a guy came up to me and ask if I'm from the Southern TV crew, the in-school-TV in our school.
I said erm nope, I'm actually just from the English department.
He asked me in Chinese, I replied in Chinese I believed lol.
But then he started to talk to me in English.
He didn't believe that's my first emcee though lololol.

Do you know how good it felt to speak in English, not a Chinese word at all?
Even though I'm a English student, my English conversation with friends don't usually last 10 sentences; either me or the other party give up.
But damn this guy talked to me for like 5 whole minutes, and allll in English.
I never met someone who is so passionate about English in this school before!!
He was wondering what event do we do, what activity can he take part etc.
And the most amazing part is, I usually speak super duper fast, and he can catch up all my words.
omg that's something to me.
I've been told I speak way too fast, especially when I'm nervous.
So it felt really good that someone can actually understand me fully! 

Anyways, I'm thankful for the chance being the emcee of the day.
Even though I made some mistakes, the teachers in charge didn't blame me and even sent me an gratitude email lol.