Wednesday, January 27, 2016

26-1-2016

I always wonder, are there really people reading my blog?
There's clicks that I can see from the dashboard, but I have no idea where they come from hahaha.

There's one point I wanted to be real blogger.
But I gave up pretty soon.
I don't always have ideas to write, I don't have pretty pictures to post,
I don't have perfect grammar to write.
So instead, I'll keep this as a diary, as someone is reading, and keep on writing.
Like how I did with my speaking: imagine there's someone listening, and speak.

I'm turning 21 in 3 weeks. Or 2?
2 weeks. 
Damn it scares me.
"Am I going to live like this anymore?" Sometimes I think.
But I just think, I never action.
I imagined my future, but I never take action to realize it.
I'm a happy-go-lucky person. I don't wanna change, I don't wanna plan a lot for the future.
Plans do change, and I learned it in hard way. I've learned enough to know that.
So I just go with the flow. Whatever my life want me to be, I'll just do it.
It's like my life is controlling me, instead of me controlling it.
Have you ever played The Sims?
I think I'm like that now.
I have high will, which means I can do anything I wanna do.
And there's no one giving instructions. No one is clicking anything for me to do.
I can do anything I wanna do, thus I always do random thing.
I don't focus on a thing to upgrade my skills, I don't do things to improve my result.
I will just stand there, and do nothing, and just look around.
If you're a Simmer, you'll have the picture of what I'm talking about.

Do I wanna live forever with this body? No I don't.
I should do something, I can do something.
But I don't.
I know I should change, but I don't.

Just like writing this. I wanna do something, yet I don't know what that something is.
I wanna improve my grammar so badly, but I don't read.
I want to know more vocabularies, yet I looked down and laughed at the China student's way, memorizing the dictionary.
To be honest, that may be the best way to have a lot of vocabs, even though you may not know how to use them.
I wanna change my living style. But I can't even do the simplest and the most basic thing: sleep earlier.

I have so many things to do, I do know how to start with.
But there's something living in my blood, flowing to my whole body with the blood,
laziness.
If I can change this single thing, I may or may not be a better person.
But the laziness has planted to deep in me. 어떻게?

It's like I'm doing new year resolution here hahaha.
I want to have a goal this year: learn Japanese.
I want to learn to write and read Japanese, even though I may not understand a word at all.
Oh nonono, I do understand some. fooooooooooood.


*finger crossed* I wanna be a better human.

 

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