我不是一个很会自制的人. 怎么说呢..... 冲动是魔鬼. 我常常冲动做了不对的选择哈哈哈哈哈哈哈.
尤其体现在煮东西上哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈. 会思考, 嗯, 这个分量够吗? 好像满饿的.... 煮多一点好了. 结果又over eating了.
就很冲动啊. 行动快过于脑子.我的心带领着我的脑. 突然觉得我的脑好烂哦哈哈哈哈哈哈. 常常因为感觉 feeling, 然后就认为嗯应该这样, 但是事后就觉得自己好无脑哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈.
我常常在说get your priorities right. 好啦其实没有说出来就自己在想罢了. 因为我觉得事情的轻重次序很重哟, 应该要根据自己的身份来决定事情.
我现在是实习老师了, 虽然只是实习的, 但我在学校, 学生们只知道我是新老师. 身为老师, 该完成的任务就要完成.
我已经很认命了. 我知道虽然这还是学校, 我现在是工作人士的身份, 这是职场. 我不能把自己当学生, 这里不是我的学校.
所以我每天起床都逼自己起来, 每天早上都要和自己说, 你现在tmd是老师了, 你不可以像读大学一样 爽爽迟到 缺席了. 绝对不可以几点上课就几点到学校.
还是我太古板了? 我不知道哈哈哈哈哈哈. 每天在学校都有好多东西想要instagram story一下; 每天放学的像zombie apocalypse一样冲出去的学生们, 每天放学时间在停车场的巴士们, 每天下课在食堂大排队的学生们, 到处都是全身白的学生们, 还有我教的学生们.
好多东西都好想拍下来. 但是我又提醒自己是老师. 如果被学生看见老师一直像傻瓜一样拿手机拍来拍去的, 好像不太好. 所以我什么都没拍 只是做好工作.
因为有一班惹得我好生气, senior建议我做quiz给他们, 当下好开心, 嗯! 我要弄死他们. 过后很痛苦 因为要做问题出来呵呵哈哈哈.
1点多吃完饭, 朋友上课到2点半, 讲一起下班回家. 我说我未必做得完, 朋友说还不快点做完 不然等下3点又回不了家, 要等到学生们走完了才能走因为太多人了, 要等到3点半4点啊.
我看见了我们的差别. 朋友是为了早回而赶快做完工作. 我是想要做完工作才回. 后来做完了, 和senior讨论东西后, 果然4点多才回家.
有后悔吗? 有的哈哈哈哈哈哈 因为出题目真的很痛苦. 但是不是因为迟回.
我不知道, 迟回从来不是一个影响我做事情的原因. 总是觉得做完事情比较重要.
我常常希望身边的人可以和我有一样的想法, 但是我没有意识到, 每个人想法不一样. 做法不一样.
有时候怀疑, 我们真的适合做朋友吗? 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈.
生活重心不一样了. 谈了恋爱的女人都比较陷在感情里面吗? 哈哈哈哈哈哈
我不喜欢拍全身照. 我tmd长这样 谁想拍全身照啊. 除了偶尔自恋过头的ootd, 一般真的真的真的很排斥别人拍我全身.
可是我几乎每天都在被拍. 我每天吃饭的时候都要被一个我根本没有亲眼看过的男人看我吃饭的样子. 我不知道谁会喜欢这样. 可是他是她的男朋友. 身为她的朋友, 我也必须一起承担这份.... 注视?
总是习惯闪避镜头. 每当手机拿起, 我就下意识拨头发遮盖脸, 不然就低下头望向别的方向. yet这样的事情每天还在上演.
我不知道是她不会看人家眼色, 还是因为爱情远远大过友情, 所以只好牺牲掉我? 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 我不知道.
星期一南院就要开学了. 我好轻松哈哈哈哈哈哈. 终于可以摆脱招生嘉年华了. 我已经连续做了5个学期 我真的很累. 前一天我必须自己去买食材, 然后连续2天都要搬我家厨房去学校, 7点半就到学校开始准备食材 摆摊. 做到2点多3点收档. 收档后必要的话还必须再去买隔天需要的食材, 隔天早上一样时间来到学校准备食材 摆摊. 终于2点多3点收摊, 又要开始整理厨房用具, 回家了还要再收进厨房.
我已经做了很多次这样的搬厨房了, 我真的累了. 很委屈. 明明宿舍生那么多, 没人能帮忙. 明明住宿舍, 没办法帮忙从自己的宿舍带东西下来. 我真的不明白. 付出那么多为了什么. 做了那么多为了什么.
在英文系孩纸眼里, 我可能还是那个无能的主席吧哈哈哈哈. 终于这个学期要卸下这个职位了, 感觉异常的轻松.
我真的很累. 好多事情朋友都没办法帮我分担, 真的觉得好委屈好生气.
对演员要求多一点反而被质疑, 你都没有教我要怎么演? 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈我都不会掉了.
适当的appreciation是需要的. 付出了5个学期, 好像没有得到什么appreciation.......
终于可以轻松了. 我要say goodbye了.
好像一个开口开了一样, 好多话好说哦哈哈哈哈哈哈. 很久没有抒发情绪了. 闷了很久, 这次终于打开了.
我没有人可以倾诉这些话, 因为我朋友也是我的演员, 也是我的comittee哈哈哈哈哈哈哈. 我无处发泄.
离开这个世界吧. 想过了无数次. 但还好只是想. 没有真的行动.
最近好喜欢鬼怪! 我短暂的一个星期的sem break就只看了鬼怪. 和一点点的蓝色海洋的秘密, 但是现在有点被我弃剧了.
每天都在期待鬼怪. 太好看了, 喜欢这种开脑洞的戏. 当大家领悟到德华不是普通人的时候, 我鸡皮疙瘩都起来了. 因为他们所说的都是网友们说的疑点. 一次过解开的时候真的觉得omg.
一直追看的戏, 觉得以后会想重看. doctors也一直想重看, 但是没有时间. 太喜欢hong sseam了. 让人想恋爱的感觉.
连续两部看下来, 好像现在很多大叔恋小妹妹呵呵哈哈哈. 一个是老师和学生, 一个是936岁和19岁哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈.天
一直在解疑团, 一直看使者和鬼怪的互动,一集里面哭了又笑了,一下悲伤一下真的很好笑. 两个大叔拿着葱从隧道里面走出来的我着实笑了整个scene. 然后拉回去又继续笑. 笑到拿出耳机 因为我怕我笑太大声了哈哈哈哈哈哈.
不得不说, 也做过吹灭蜡烛, 然后往后看的傻事.... 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 刚好有香氛蜡烛啦, 好久没点了就想说点一下. 吹灭火柴往后看了一眼, 啥都没有. 几个小时后吹灭了蜡烛, 还是什么都没有哈哈哈哈哈哈哈. 但是如果有什么的话我想我会吓死. 除非是孔刘本人出现! 哈哈哈哈
洋洋洒洒写了好多字. 该去睡觉补眠了. 终于周末来临了, 以前都没有这么期待过周末. 今天去上课的时候就好开心 ohyeah今天星期五了.
前几天回到家冲好凉下午5点 睡到凌晨2点. 然后开始改功课啊备课啊什么的. 然后照旧6点半出门去, 7点半上的课.
晚上11点多睡的觉. 所以我是清醒了20小时. 算起来是睡了9小时, 然后清醒了20小时. 狂.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Hihihihih!i! It's 2017 now omg. 一眨眼時間就過了 哎喲 我都不敢眨眼了呢 科科科.
Anyways, I started my internship at Foon Yew High School! It's crazy, I know. Like to be honest, I never had good feelings towards foon yew students lol. Back then when I was in secondary school, I've encountered so many foon yew students giving us the face, like they're better than us. So I didn't really like them, because of the difference between foon yew and smk. So some around me were surprised when I said I want to go foon yew for this internship lol.
I did struggle, when I finally decided to go for internship this semester. Tuition centers or decent schools. I can find tuition centers easily around me, there are so many in my area, i'm sure i can find one who accepts internship. Or decent school, to have the stress all on me.
Because tuition centers are like supplement aside from school, i can just teach them what they've learnt in school, which means i have a template to go with. But in schools, my output to them is their only input. This has engraved in my mind so hard that I lost sleeps these days lol.
At the end, i thought decent school is the correct path to apply what i've learnt. That's why i decided to go for foon yew.
At first we applied for internship, which is 3 months. But coincidentally there's one teacher who is till on maternity leave until around 3 weeks after the school opens. So they wanted us to go teach as well, salary paid of course. oh doing internship in schools have no income at all lol. I don't know why, but heard from some seniors, for those who did in schools, they don't have income. But tuition center does pay, so that's what I was struggling at first too.
After know I have to teach 2 classes for 3 weeks, it was kinda stressful. But then it was okay because it's only 3 weeks, if i really did a bad job, at least their teacher still have time to recover everything and manage to teach them before exam.
But my senior, who was like God to us, gave me a junior middle 3 class...... and we both will take turns to go in the class. For a good 3 months. Now the stress really come to me. They will have a test after 3 months, which means, whatever I teach, I have to cover everything and i have to prepare them for the exam!!
I got the news on the first day, and I went in the class on the first day, without preparing anything. It was scary..........
I couldn't sleep well since Tuesday. I have to prepare what I'm going to teach the next day, and i usually do it really late lol. Then when i finally want to sleep, i was so stressed out that i would think of what should i say in the class tomorrow.....
I'm now teaching 3 classes, 1 class from junior middle 1, 2 and 3. That's actually a lot for me as I never taught before! I don't think any teacher there will have to cover 3 different level lol.
Foon Yew have English class EVERY SINGLE DAY. 7 periods in total in a week!!!!! That's so much when compared with us because we had 5 periods, and only 3 days!
But they have class every day!!! That's why I'm so stressed out!!! I have to think what I have to teach every single day.
And Foon Yew campus at stulang laut is huge af. I walked so much, climbed so much stairs every day now, and my feet are constantly in pain. One class is at 3rd floor, one is at a far building at 4th floor, and another one is at even further building at 3rd floor. Walking from carpark to the office is a full 10 minutes walk, including tons of stairs, a full basketball court to walk across. Going to canteen is almost 5 minutes walk again including the freaking basketball court and stairsssss. My feet are sore not because of walking, like seriously walking for 10 minutes is okay to me. But the STAIRS. So MANY STAIRS.
And my throat is sore from the first class. I have to be loud enough for the class to hear, and have to scold them when they're not listening to me lol. I really wanted to be nice and friendly but omg. I scolded a class today so loudly that everyone was in shocked and they just stared at me lol. Junior 3 still can't listen to me omg what can i do. Was so angry and literally 怒火中燒. Threatened them by not letting them off the recces really worked lol
It's only the first week, and not even finished lol. I still have 3 months to go. Finger crossed that I can go on smoothly and teach well lol. ciaos!
Author: Selina.C Time: 12:01 AM